Oh yeah, I remember why I was crazy enough to do this.

Well, the last little bit has been absolutely ludicrous. However, I have finally begun to be okay with this "music major" status that I wear.

You know, at first 13ish hour days at the school are extremely rough. But at some point, you begin to realize that you really can live off of a solid diet of granola bars and music for quite some time. Okay, so I come home for soup, but some days, that is not a far cry from my diet. 

The beginning of this week was exceptionally tough. I was about ready to quit. Luckily I have great roommates and neighbors who, through small things kept me going, however, I finally realized some things. 

First of all, I'm a freshman, and have a lot of growing to do. Second, I remembered WHY I embarked on this crazy adventure.

I went to a meeting with all of the music education majors this week. In that meeting, The head of the Caine College of the Arts spoke to us, and my brain went, "oh yeah, there's a reason I'm this crazy." Here is a bit of what he said.

"There's a few things I'm against. First, DOWN WITH STEM!!! (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics.) And quit believing all of that crap about how they are going to save the world. America is ranked 24th in the world with our education system. We come in behind freaking Canada. You don't even know where Canada is. It all happened with Proposition 13 when they started taking music out of schools in the sixties. Now look at us! Behind Canada. Second, I'm against teaching "Music Appreciation." We don't teach "Math Appreciation," we teach Math. We don't teach "Science Appreciation," We teach Science. I don't want you to "appreciate" Music, I want you to DO it. I don't want theses kids to "appreciate" Music, I want them to DO it. Music will be the thing that saves the world. I need you to believe that, or go study something easy, like being a doctor.... or a drummer."

Amidst my lengthy practice sessions, and strenuous schedule, I had forgotten this. I had forgotten my goal, that golden image I've been working towards for years, and will continue to do so. 

I forgot that behind my own crazy music obsession are about a dozen wonderful teachers who went through this exact same agony, and probably thought some of the same things. I owe everything I know to their perseverance. I owe them everything I know and have. And I owe it to a handful of hopeful kids someday to trudge through all of this madness. I wouldn't be who I am today without teachers who did the same.

Towards the end, Dr. Bankhead said something else,

"You aren't 9 to 5 kind of guys. No, you guys are work until you get it done no matter how long it takes kind of guys. You are some of the craziest people I know. You have a sense of humor that I have never seen anywhere else, and that I love. As a dean, I have an opportunity to make my own schedule and decide what I teach. I tried teaching non music majors once. It was the worst decision I ever made. You people are my favorite, and you are the future of music. You are what will save the world."

Suddenly, my 13 hour days didn't seem so bad. Because, there was once a little girl, In a 7th grade orchestra class who saw college students perform, and her heart ached because she wanted so badly to play as well as them, but knew that something like that was never possible. But, being the optimist she was, her little heart held onto that dream.

Now, call her crazy, but she's still holding onto that dream and trying to discover if it's possible. And if you asked her, she would tell you it was impossibly difficult, but that she's always been a fan of proving people wrong, Crazy or not, here she comes. 

It's been an amazing adventure, and it is only just beginning. So, forward my mail to the land of "celloing my face off," and maybe send any extra food my way. 

Because we all know I can't really live on granola bars and music for that long...