Emerging from the Pit

New Year's Resolutions. I hate them.

I have probably had the same Resolutions every year since I was about 10. They go as follows.

-Be better at reading my scriptures

-Finish the Book of Mormon

-Brush my teeth better

-Get better grades, (a 4.0)

-Draw a big masterpiece

-Finish a giant cello piece

-Go to (insert cool place that my family already has vacation planned to.)

I mean, don't get me wrong, these are all very noble things. But I kind of just do them every year anyway. Because, well, they are side effects of being human, and this culture I live in. So they just happen. 

And yet every year I end the year disappointed about all of the things I didn't do, and the person I didn't become.

So, I'm done with these resolutions. They never happen, and they just add to lists which I never finish. If you can't tell, I'm not a list person. 

So, what do you do instead? I don't really know. I kind of live every day. And strive towards larger goals. Goals like being the best version of me that I can, and acing a certain class, and finding out more of who I am. I just kind of live my life, and wake up every day with a  resolve to do better, which is also just an effect of being human. So really what I'm saying is that I have no solution. 

But I do know one thing I'm going to do. I'm going to keep a jar, and just fill it with great things that happen to me every day. And at the end of the year, I will have this jar filled with little slips of glory that have slipped into my life. I think that will be super cool. 

But for now, 2014! What a year. Today, I was thinking back, and I realized that pretty much every year of my life since I can remember has been absolutely insane. So, I suppose I have accepted the fact that life is crazy. But I'm glad it's crazy, because when it isn't, I go crazy. We kind of need crazy. It adds a lot of savor to the blandness of life.

Well here we go.

2014. The year I turned 18, and became what society deems an "adult." 

The term is applied more or less loosely in my life, as I still can't even match my socks.

Everyone's senior year of High School is a giant pot of ridiculousness, but I actually managed to learn a lot through all of it. 

The Absolute greatest thing I learned from my Senior year: Well two of them that are sort of wrapped up in each other.

1. You absolutely cannot RELY on everyone around you to make you happy. You pretty much have to just take care of that by yourself. You also CANNOT let unhappy people around you drag you down to their pit of uncoolness. This is a must for anyone to successfully survive life in general.

2. You CANNOT Loose sight of YOU. You can't loose the true YOU. The moment you do that, you become a zombie that is just a zombie following the cesspool of mainstreamness, and that is just the worst thing ever. Live to your fullest, and best, and don't let the other zombies around you change the zombie, (or lack there of) that you were totally meant to be. Stick to yourself, and be yourself, and that will just automatically secure your own happiness. It's amazing how that happens, but it does.

Alright, so there are the lessons from a graduated Senior version of Jess. But that was a different life. Let us hop forward, because High School Jess is kind of lame.

OH MY GOSH! COLLEGE! WE'RE SO OLD AND ADULT AND OH MY GOODNESS NOT EVEN IMPULSIVE OR ANYTHING ANYMORE BECAUSE WE ARE ADULTS AND WE CAN HANDLE OURSELVES. 

Well, I am still a freshman, so don't get too excited.

Alright, here are some things that college taught me.

-The actual definition of true Family, and True Friends. I thought I knew people before college, but I left, and became closer with the people I left behind, and even more blessed with the ones who came into my life. I could not have made it without all of these people in my life.

This is the land of my people. I found my people! And I will probably continue to do so, but I just love the energy, the warmth, the friendship, and the joy that these people bring into my life. It is more than I could have ever asked for, and it is pure divine intervention that I have them all in my life.

I also discovered the true beauty of thriftshops and hipsterism in College. It's really a very beautiful thing.

I learned how to have true adventures. The kind that even Gandalf would be proud of. Oh don't worry, I also found the beauty of a lazy day here and there.

But most of all, I have come to know and experience the unprecedented nature of life. Music will always be a very important part of my life, but not as important as I thought it would be for nearly six years of my life. And do I think I waisted six years of my life in all of my musical activities? Absolutely not. Music was my gateway into this world. It was really what got me out there, and helped me move past the insecurities of a shy little girl, and gave me a "thing." Cello was my "thing." And it makes me extremely happy that for the rest of my life, I will always get random cello posts on Facebook. Because I will always be that cello girl. It exposed me to many things in life that I would have never been able to do or partake in, and most of all, it taught me to work, and that I CAN do hard things.

I will never be that concert cellist, or that "Yo-yo Ma in Female Form" As I have been called by many. Most people keep asking me, "Why?" Well, I can't really bring myself to sell my soul for a cello, and if I do that, it takes all of the fun out of celloing. All of the reasons I fell in love with the instrument are not the same reasons one would become a professional. I will never abandon my music, but I will also not give up everything for it. Because College has also taught me that there are more important things than music. Namely people. And I have a "people first" policy in my life. Which doesn't really work when you are a music major.

If you would have asked me a year ago how I felt about this choice, I would have burst into tears, but right now, I feel absolutely confident, and completely freed by this choice. I guess that's how you know that it's the right choice. I'm excited about this new life, and this new road I have before me. I'm not sure where it will take me, but that's the fun in it.

So, here's to 2015.

There are definitely cool trips, and cooler people on the radar, but off the radar are adventures and experiences I cannot even fathom. It is something I am completely excited for. So here is what I DO want from 2015.

Good People.

Good Times

And of course Good Food.

I'm probably still just a ridiculous stater of the obvious, but this is kind of all that really matters anyway. Making sure all of the other details happen kind of just happens. 

These people, places, and experiences are what I live for, and the real things that keep me going. So that is exactly what my year is all about. And I'm completely okay with that.