COLLEGE. Week 2.

Yeah.

This sums up my day quite well. 

It was a good day, but it was a twelve hour day. 

I'm not sure if you've ever been a music major, so it's difficult to understand. Now many people will probably say, "You're just complaining. Every major is time consuming." Mmmmm... Maybe. But being a music major is insane. 

Most days I arrive at school before my class starts to practice my cello. I go to class, then I practice more cello. I also rehearse with my quartet 4 hours a week. I also have to do homework, practice some more, go to class, Oh wait, I said that. See? It's been a long day. But, it's a good life.

This week, as I've been tromping around campus, wondering if I can do everything, I have thought back to my childhood dreams. I always saw myself celloing my face off all day. And now, that's exactly what I'm doing. And yes, I always knew it would be difficult. So, it's all about getting used to this new reality. I think today, it finally began to settle in.

Yeah, it was one of the longest days of my life, but it was one of the greatest. I accomplished some great things today, and I learned some incredible things, and I've learned even greater things about my own self. And I'm beginning to see how much I'm capable of.

This was the first day of school :) With my adorable roomies :) 

Awww look at us. We think we're ready for school. So cute.

Well, come tuesday night, this was the tune we were singing:

The, "Holy Crap, reality sucks" Tune. The "I'm going to wear sweat pants for the rest of my college life" Tune. It was one of those days for all of us roomies. We all came home and basically just did this:

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks. It's been one of those lifestyle changing and re-aligning weeks. 

On wednesday, I was completely stressed, and it was pouring rain, and I practically ran to my yoga class. Once I got to yoga however, my day, and maybe my life was completely changed. My instructor had us sit and "catch up with ourselves" Or our body. She told us to let our minds catch up with where we were. And it was amazing. After then, I became more aware of everything I was doing, and more calm and okay with the fact that I can handle it, and the fact that this is what I've been waiting for, and the fact that I've earned it. It's truly amazing, and I almost can't believe I'm actually here. 

So yeah, the days are extremely long, and extremely crazy, and I'm operating at full speed on little sleep, but I'm doing it. I'm living this dream of mine. This dream I've had since I was that little sixth grader sitting with a cello and realizing that she could live the rest of her life with that giant instrument. 

I was talking with my roommate Brigitte, and she said something that struck me. She said, "You know what I love about you? Yeah, you get really frustrated with your music, but no matter what, you always still go back to it, and you never quit." Awwww :) I love that lady :) But I thought about this, and it's true. I guess it's what everyone should look for in life. 

More often than not, the things we love leave us frustrated. Because to truly love something or someone, you have to realize that there is always a bad side to everything. But loving something doesn't mean you only enjoy it when times are good. It means you also except the hard times, and deal with it. Because life is full of storms, but weathering those storms leads to some of life's most beautiful moments. The kind you can only get to by hunkering down and making it through those rough times. It's those moments that force you to just remember why we love the things you do, and the whole question of "Why" behind everything you do. It is usually that moment of payoff that we remember why we love the things we love, and that help us fall in love again.

This was my 30 minute break in the middle of my 12 hour day. This week has been crazy. But I haven't felt that overwhelmed. I have just said, "Alright Jess, Gitterdone." As I have walked the halls of this beautiful building I spend most of my time in, it just feels like home, and I don't care that I'm busy beyond belief. Because it's the kind of busy I've been dreaming of for years. As I walk through the music building between rehearsals, and as I'm bombarded by the sounds from every instrument and/or voice imaginable, I just smile. Because it's what I love! I'm literally surrounded by art, and It's incredible. It makes me happy, and that is what's most important. 

So, I've seen my share of storms, and I'm about to see many more much greater ones. But, "I am not afraid, for I am learning to sail my ship." :) I will figure it out. And yes, I may even figure out how to have a social life in the midst of these tempests. I've also met some incredible people this week. And it often wouldn't have happened if I wasn't out doing the things I've been doing.

Today as I walked between things at nearly the speed of light, I thought about where I would possibly be if I was not here. And It made me sad. I thought, "I would hate myself if I wasn't here." It reaffirmed all of my hard work and all of my decisions to be here.

So, what have I learned? C'est La Vie. Life goes on. It really does. As long as you're trying you're best, and doing what you should be doing, and just living as absolutely best as your personhood allows, things will work out. Dinner will happen, schedules will work out, it will be okay. And life has a funny, nearly coincidental way of working itself out. It's truly amazing. Follow your dreams. It's always worth it. Even if you just figure out it isn't actually your dream, that's better than never trying to do anything.

And yes mom, I am eating 3 meals a day, I have been taking showers regularly, and even flossing my teeth. BOOM.

COLLEGE. Week 1.

And so it begins.

That big huge adventure called college? It has begun. This week has been amazing. I have loved every minute. Sure, it's had its hard moments as well, but it's all part of this crazy, awesome learning process. Im so intrigued by the wonderful things that await me in this little wonderland of mine.

Day one. 

We drove up, and unpacked the van. Simple. My cute parents took me grocery shopping so I wouldn't starve this week, and gave me lots and lots of tips..... usually twice. They also gave me lunch, and probably wanted to stay all day. But I would prefer to unpack my underwear by myself. Thanks though Mom and Dad ;) 

They even helped me finish purchasing my textbooks and solidify some last minute loose ends. My sweet mom gave me a care package of every little thing I didn't think I would need :)

Then, they left. That was it. The week prior to this, I went to lunch with a couple of my aunts, and one of them said something to me that I had been seriously pondering since then. She told me that it finally hit her when her mom drove away, and it was just her. Just her, and that she was now responsible for herself.

When she said this, I thought, "crap." But when that moment finally came, I just turned around and rolled up my sleeves, and began making my room look less like a hoarder's house.

I've always been extremely independent, and this was a day I had been looking forward to for a very long time. My summer was endlessly monotonous. It was literally a summer of existence. I was just surviving, and hardly living. I hated it. I was ready to move on, and go somewhere new, and be someone new, and discover new people! I was so done with my home town, and so ready to break new ground, and start establishing myself as myself. Not as a "Watson" or not as an attachment to anything or anyone, but as something that's my own.

And that is exactly what I've done.

I spoke recently with a friend of mine who is in the very same point of life. She made a comment I have been thinking about a lot. She said atleast for the next little bit, we will enter a period where we become homeless. Not homeless in the fact that we don't have a roof over our heads, but the fact that our parent's home is no longer our real "home", and that we are now beginning to define and create that feeling of "home" for ourselves. I have truly felt that. This town is amazing. It's buzzing, and I'm finally kind of finding my place. A place that's all mine, just me. It's really a wonderful feeling.

 So, The first day was a lot of unpacking. We hardly talked as roommates, because we hardly saw each other. When we finally got home for the evening, we were all too tired to even do anything so, we all just went to bed.

Day Two.

We stormed the Campus. We needed to acquaint ourselves more with the schedules we would soon be walking. So, Brigitte and I kind of walked our schedules.

First, Old Main. This is one of those iconic buildings on campus. The one that the campus is really identified by. Just that building that screams, "UTAH STATE: GO AGGIES!!!" My roommate, Brigitte has quite a few classes in there, so we walked in and checked it out. So I can at least say I've been in. 

Soon, I was itching to get to the Fine Arts building. So, we headed over. Now, Arts buildings are a little weird, but that's what makes them so great!!! 

So, the main entrance of the building is in this weird alley way. Don't ask me why, but it is. We walked in, and I was just so excited! 

"Brigitte, This is the Land of my People!!!" I said as I twirled with excitement. I was instantly at home.

Yeah, this is absolutely my place. I spent the entire day exploring my newfound home. I explored every crevasse and every corner. I walked upstairs past all of the practice rooms, and could just hear it. The music. IT'S EVERYWHERE! All of the piano practice rooms have a composer watching carefully over the study of the students. The music building is so close, and intimate. The rooms and hallways are a tightly wound web of musical bubbles that just combine and create beautiful melodies from absolutely every corner. It's so fun! There's just people everywhere, and action everywhere. And school hasn't even started! It's so cool. Every corner holds something new!

The next best thing about the Fine Arts Center is that the music and art buildings are very tightly wound and connected. I literally do not have to leave an air conditioned building to switch artistic mediums. 

I later came back to go through the art museum, and though it's under a bit of construction, it was still so much fun :)

I was interrupted by an official guy in a blazer asking if I was enjoying things. I said that of course I was. When I came downstairs to end my visit, he asked again if I enjoyed it, and began to tell me about the new exhibit they were working on. I said I planned on coming back to see it, and he was just so exited about the art! It was amazing! I mean, I've always been that excited about art, but now there are other people who are too! THIS IS THE LAND OF MY PEOPLE!!!!

I exited the art museum which lets out straight into the music practice halls. I heard our band rehearsing, and I stopped to listen for a minute. I soon realized that they were paling The Fox Song! Oh what a happy day! 

Now, as I'm a new freshman and new to the city, I decided to take the city bus home, and it ended up taking me an hour to get home because.... I have no idea what I'm doing. But now I have a map, and I was able to figure things out a little bit better for when I have actual school next week.

You know, taking the bus is actually one of my favorite things. There's just something about joining other people in the act of getting somewhere important that is just so cool to me! The lady who drives the campus bus I take is super sweet :) She held the bus for me when she recognized me with my cello and I was too tired to run to catch the bus :) 

There's just such a fun feeling in the air. Everyone here is kind of new. Even if they've been here before, they're still kind of new. So everyone makes a very conscious effort to say hello to other people. I've had more people say hi to me this week randomly than probably I've had in the last year. It's awesome! You'll just be walking, and people will say hi. I love it!

So, That night, One of my roommates' moms wanted us to take a picture and send it to her. So, we stayed up waiting for my other roommate to get home. Well, in the process of that, we ended up talking all night. Like, all night. I didn't get to bed until 2:00. It was fantastic! As Brigitte says we just, "put out all of our dirty laundry." We put out everything, and it was so open. So trusting between us. It's like we've known each other for years. So amazing! I love these girls :)

Day 3.

Well, I now knew the campus. So, I kind of started to get to know some more people. I had my first cello lesson, and that went well. I was a little nervous for obvious reasons, but it went really well, and I love my professor. She has a great way of focusing on the good in a student while bringing out the better in them. She asks a lot of questions. Not ones about technique or, ones with obvious answers, but questions that make me think about the music I'm making, and make me really define myself as a musician. It's awesome. 

I also met a nice Violist. I was trying to find my professor's office, and he was tuning his viola. Very nice guy. I also met one of my neighbors. I decided that a great way to meet people is to sit on your porch. It forces people walking by to choose to talk to you, or you to choose to talk to them. So, I was sitting on my porch writing a few letters, and my neighbor was walking by, and he stopped and we talked for a bit. Nice guy. It was awesome to be getting to know people, and establishing myself in this new place. 

Day 4. I was back in layton for a gig, so not much to report.

Day 5. Today.

Today was great. I discovered that most of campus is shut down on Saturday. Okay, makes sense. But it ruined my plans to finally go to that cafe in the Fine Arts Building. Danget, I really wanted a donut or something....... (pouty face.) 

Anyway, for lunch, I was really hungry, (due to my lack of a donut and the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about that....) Luckily, my new ward had set up a barbecue in the square in front of my apartment for all of the new people and just as a "get to know you" activity. Some of the kids from my ward had knocked on my door to tell me this, and I was nearly shouting praises! It was exactly what I needed! All of my roommates were gone, it was just me. Just hungry me. 

It was awesome. I already love my ward. A lot of the guys are return missionaries, and at one point I was sitting in between two guys speaking in Russian to each other, and two guys speaking in spanish to each other. It was so cool! It was just amazing! 

So, tonight was Waffle Night!

We. Made. Waffles. It was delicious. That's one thing I've learned through this college experience. Before college, you stress about food, and paying for gas, and figuring things out, and getting to class on time, and doing things right, but at the end of the day, If you're legitimately trying your best, it will work out. Food will be there. People will come when you're feeling lonely. Professors will help when you have questions. Roommates will talk back if you talk to them first. And chances are, you will discover yourself, and have an amazing time all along the way :)

During the week, there were activities for freshman every night. One night we went to a comedy/motivational speaker thing. It was really funny, and really cool, because his main theme was "being in your heart." This kind of just means, not talking yourself out of doing awesome things. He made the observation that for some reason, we operate under the assumption that people always turn into Raptors. For some reason, something human inside of us pulls us back. Maybe it's an ancient safety mechanism of some kind, but something stops us from talking to that cute guy, or answering that question we absolutely know the answer to, or asking that girl out, or even just saying hello to someone. Somewhere deep inside we think they will turn into "Raptors" or something weird will happen. 

Well, I'm beginning to see that this is not the case, and that it's when you put yourself out there that people do the same, and some really amazing things begin to happen :) I love the fact that here it is so acceptable to be yourself, and I can't wait to continue to do so, and to just discover even more of this beautiful little world I'm living in. It is truly an amazing place, and might just never ever leave. Sorry Mom and Dad ;)

Things I wish someone would have told me BEFORE I entered High School.

Yes, I am well aware that High School is a very small sliver of a person's life.

I'm also well aware that in the long run, it really doesn't count towards much.

Still, I would like to share a few things that I wish someone could have shared with me before I had to figure out that whole High School thing by myself.

High School is some sort of crazy, insane experience. It's this absurd whirlwind of absolutely everything. It's being a kid, but learning to be an adult. 

It's being wild but learning to be serious. It's getting in trouble, and getting absolute praise.

In other words, it's the best of times, and the worst of times.

I loved my High School experience.

Of course, every student, every school, and every social group, as well as the mixture of all of these is always completely different. However, there are a few things that I wish I could have known.

Unfortunately, that's the huge part of High School. Learning half of the crap I'm about to tell you. 

Sorry kiddo, you will probably still have to learn all of this for yourself, but that's part of the experience. So, first of all, I wish you luck. Now, here is the advice that you are never going to listen to.

#1: If you haven't already, learn how to have good, honest fun.

I started High School as one of those really anti-social kids, who was "too good" for any of those frivolous teenage activities. 

Finally, I became tired of not really being part of the High School experience, and I'm sorry for those parents out there, but part of being in High School is doing those absolutely stupid things. (The stupid things are often the most fun. As long as the cops don't have to get involved.)

Once I started dragging myself to these crazy things, I began to feel like I was living. I began to get my head out of the books, and into the clouds. It was amazing, and I'm so glad I could do it all. Because it was flat out fun. You will probably never have that kind of fun again. So do it now!

This brings me to #2.

Find Awesome People to call your "Friends."

Okay, friends are something that many kids stress out about in High School. This is also a very arbitrary thing. I mean, let's define what we mean by "friend." There are many types of friends. Those acquaintances you meet in the first day of sophomore biology, Those people you've known since elementary school, and then those people who, you don't even know how, you just instantly became best friends. It's almost like you knew them in a past life. 

Basically, you need someone you can just be really stupid with. 

No matter the case, get all of these types of friends.

How do you do that? Just talk to people. You never know who could truly be your friend. And you never know what true friends may not be truly friendly to you after all.

I was lucky enough to go to a High School were clicks weren't really a problem. So, I exposed my self to all sorts of people from all walks of life. Every corner, I would find someone new, and they really made me the person I am today. I'm sad to be parting from many of them. But I promise you, you will never regret even just briefly speaking with someone, because you never know where it can lead.

#3: Embrace Diversity.

The world is a diverse place. Okay, High School isn't exactly the mecca of eclectic-ness, but you do begin to get some more diverseness than you had previously experienced. 

There are so many people, cultures, ideas, thoughts, everything out there! So discover it.

New music, (My favorite to discover,) new books, new information, it's just everywhere! Don't ever limit yourself to the borders of your own knowledge. Because, that's a pretty small section of the universe. Honestly. That's like sitting in a kayak in exactly one position in the ocean. Forever. That's so boring. Why would you do that? Go out there and discover something new. You may discover something new about yourself while you're at it.

#4: Embrace Yourself, and Find Yourself.

You may think you know yourself, but I assure you, you still have a ways to go. So, first of all, just BE YOURSELF. I know, it's cliche, but few people are truly themselves. Truly. You know the people who really are themselves. So, just show no shame. It'll be just fine, I promise. Don't ever let someone force you to act a certain way. That is not a true friend.

Anyone who forces you to change is someone you shouldn't be hanging around.

However, someone who embraces how you are, and doesn't exactly "change" you, but brings out the you that you have always been hiding. Those are the kind of people to stick with.

#5. Learn how to THINK.

I finally began to barely learn this my sophomore year. I had taken an honors english class my freshman year which had taught me how to work. (More on that in a minute.) But my sophomore year, I took an AP History class. And I remember the day I was sitting at my desk, and the teacher asked a rather simple question about one of the ancient civilizations we were studying. Now I was beginning that over worked, out studied student phase that all AP students become very acquainted with. The teacher had basically asked, "Why?". And something happened in my mind. I just sat there and thought. "I dunno." Like usual. And then I was like, "Wait, Why? I mean really, why?" And then I began to actually think about it. Like, really THINK. Not just wonder what was for lunch.

It was amazing. I had always been that smart kid with glasses in school, but I was finally learning how to actually use this extra 4 pounds of weight I cary on my head. It was incredible!

And now that I think back, it was one of the first places I really learned to question, and wonder, and think and form opinions for myself. Which is an extremely valuable thing to have in life.

#6. Learn how to WORK.

I tell ya, I was always a pretty steady worker, but I didn't learn how to work hard until I got to High School. Between school, music, and a job, I sure learned what hard work felt like.

Yeah, it's stinkin' hard! But it's totally worth it. More often than not, hard work truly pays off. So don't be scared, just do it. You have to not think about it, or you become a procrastinator, or a lazy bum. Sorry, but it's the truth.

#7. Make your own choices.

You've had mommy and daddy breathing down your throat for 16 or so years, right? Well, you are on the fringe of adulthood. You need to start making your own choices. That ranges from everything between which brands you actually like, to where to go to lunch, to what college to go to.

If you can't really make the small decisions on your own, you're gonna have a problem with the big ones. High School is this bizarre awakening where all of a sudden, it's your life! I'm not saying you should just run away from home, and you're totally independent now. NO. But what I am saying is that it's not your life as dictated by your parents anymore. It's a really crazy new feeling of, "crap, I have to take care of that" and "What? I have to think about that?!" But if you let your parents make all of your choices for you, chances are, your life will not end up where you want it to.

Oh don't worry, they will still be very much involved in the decision making, but at the end of the day, you need to make your own decisions.

In the long run, your parents are going to continue living the lives they are currently living. However, you have the opportunity to choose and fashion what ever kind of life you want for yourself. So choose wisely, because all choices kind of intertwine, and lead to more choices.

#8. Late Nights and Early Mornings.

Oh so much fun. Coming home from work at 10:00 at night to begin your 10 page art paper on Renior, and Monet, and french impressionism, then waking up at 6 the next morning. Don't worry, you'll get used to it real fast. There just isn't enough time sometimes.

Plus some of us are procrastinators.

#9. Procrastination.

Which brings me to my next point! PROCRASTINATION! YAY! Okay, not really. It's a bad habit. But pretty much everyone I have ever talked to in High School has procrastinated at least one thing if not, most things! It's gonna happen. Whether it's your fault, or just due to a crammed schedule, it's gonna just happen. It will be okay. I promise! Just chug through. See #6. And when you are up at 1:00 in the morning, and all you want to do is break through walls with your throbbing head, just chug through for that passing grade! I promise it will all turn out. Especially if you try your absolute best.

#10. High School Dances.

Fun. But sometimes overrated. Go to at least a few, but don't make it so your entire High School life hinges upon an ask to the Home Coming Dance and the amount your dress costs. Yeah, go to a few. Preferably with people you've known for a while and can have fun with.

Especially go to the more casual ones, because they are in my mind the most fun, and least costly. But don't worry about it. When you graduate, you will not be noticed for how many dances you went to.

(Between you and me, they are all the same dance. Literally. These days theres no difference between formal and semi formal.)

#11. Meet people outside of your High School.

I was lucky, where my musical adventures took me all over the place, and all through my district. Some of my best friends in High School went to my High School's Rival School, and many other schools around my state. And it was awesome! I would have never met these awesome people if I hadn't branched out like I did.

These people are some of my greatest friends. And I never went to High School with them. So don't be afraid of what lies outside the doors of your alma mater. Because chances are, there are other cool people like you out there.

#12. Ice Cream and Fries makes a perfectly acceptable lunch.

Just sayin.

#13. Don't date stupid people.

Most people aren't stupid on the surface. But it usually becomes apparent quite soon within getting to know someone.

That's all I'm gonna say about dating. Because dating in High School is a wash. No one has truly found themselves yet, and they are just fueled by hormones. So, the best idea is just to not bother.

#14. Listen to your Parents.

Even if they have no idea what they're talking about. At least listen. Then take what they said, and try to figure out what they were actually trying to say, and make sense of it, or something like that. Either way, just listening makes them feel better about their outdrawn lectures.

#15. Form more of your own world.

I say more of your own "world" because that encompasses a lot.

High School is a pivotal point where you start to notice more things, and you begin to be able to form your own beliefs, opinions, jokes, ideas, all of the above. So please, take the opportunity to do so! It says a lot for a young person to know so much of their own beliefs and opinions. So do it. It always helps in any situation to already have your own preconceived ideas.

#16. Just Live.

Most teenagers have no problem just.... being teenagers. But in High School, you can begin to be an adult, and be more conscious while still having young, wild fun. So do it all! You may never have a chance to live like this again. So LIVE! Just LIVE! OUT LOUD! Be awesome, uplift others, explore the world around you, find yourself, be wild, be smart, and just have fun.

And most of all. DON'T WORRY. You will figure it out, and it will all eventually work out in the end. Good Luck my young friends :)